http://www.the-jmcc.org/freeform-rough/
Poem - opinions...??
Hey 
I finished writing a rough draft of a poem I'm writing for a freeform poetry competition and wanted some opinions before I edit it further.
Train Tracks
Walking by the train tracks
Beneath late autumn skies
Do you believe in always?
No more honesty or lies.
History is over
No more duties to be done
No more need for apprehension
The ending has begun.
Everything's been neutralized
No divorce or romance
It still takes two to tango
But they've lost their will to dance.
The tracks used to be ebony
They're now eroded red
Mother Earth is dying fast
And Father Time is dead.
Walking by the train tracks
This place transcends a slum
Apocalypse is over
And the train will never come.
You say rough draft so I'll figure you will correcting the punctuation. "It" is a weak word to use at the front of a sentence try this...
Everything has been neutralized,
No divorce or romance;
Still it takes two to tango,
Both have lost their will to dance.
Your economy is good, but you say this is part of a bigger piece? Remember, it's just like music; what to leave in, what to leave out..
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